My closest friend has cancer and it is going to kill her. Her body that is, not HER, exactly. Her body, mind, ego, experiences and amazing personality and worldview will disappear, but not the rest of her—the spark we call soul or spirit.
Kimchi’s cancer is well on its way. A lump in her breast has spread to lymph nodes, to lungs, to bones. No stopping this train coming down the track—its whistle can be heard not too far around a bend or two. None of us like this fact—and if a dude in a white hat or maybe a goddess in a white lab coat comes along with a surefire 100% guaranteed cure, she is in the market for that. However, none of us expect that at the moment. And she has (mostly) stopped struggling to get away and has turned her considerable energy to creating as ecstatic a deathing process for herself –and us, her loved ones–as possible.
She wants to feel what is happening on all levels, except maybe not so much pain. And to be an example of the most conscious deathing that she can muster. She is facing impending death with incredible honesty, humor, and sense of purpose. I would even say gaiety at times! She says that she has “not a stitch of fear” and I believe that this is mostly true, or I should say true most of the time. I just want to allow her to have fear sometimes if it comes up. I hope she knows, and I think she does, that ALL her various emotions are allowed. Fear included if it comes. And if it comes, I am sure it will pass, since that is the nature of emotions that are felt, honored, shared, and let go of.
Kimchi, of course, would rather stay with us in the land of the living, but she knows she has a mission on “the other side.” And I say she has quite a mission here still as well. Which is to… how to say this? Normalize dying and death? Help change our cultural expectations that death is a bad outcome and that dying is somehow shameful—the result of some unfortunate combination of bad choices? When really it is a perfectly acceptable event. That, by the way, happens to everyone.
Death is not a “bad outcome.” I question both of those words—“bad” and “outcome.” No need to judge “good” or “bad.” And who says it is an “outcome?” The result of life? Not exactly. Is heads on the coin the result of tails? Or just the other side? When I remember to, I live by the idea that “nothing has ever ‘ended up,’” meaning, it’s all still in process, always. Where you see an end may be the middle—it all depends upon your perception. So, is death The End (Beautiful Friend)? We doubt it.
So many of us are on this journey with her. (All of us, really.) She will be transformed. We will be transformed. Already it is happening. I am so happy to be on the same train with her!
Mollie Curry